I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
