Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
