imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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