He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
