I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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