Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
