I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
