dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Mom said you looked used
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
