what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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