Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
