How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
