Jerry, you need to find god
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
