Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
