im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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