Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
