Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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