You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson