The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same