when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.