He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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