Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
