dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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