I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
