Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
