Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
