If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
