after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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