Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
