I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
