i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
