I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
