i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
