My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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