Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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