There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
