I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
