oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
barbara walters just said penis...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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