she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
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Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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