I'm drive I can fine osifer
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
