I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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