Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
