Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
