Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
