Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
