Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
