True but thats because hes a fetus.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
