i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
two words: eviction party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
