Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And then he peed in my hair
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