I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
