I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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