Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
