But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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