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I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
