please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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