Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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