i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
