Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
