He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
