Someone shit on the floor
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
