Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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