i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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