i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
