That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
