dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
