I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need moral support for this bender
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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