Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
