I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Couch. On fire.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
